THE FEELING OF FINITE - THE METALS

“This is it, boys. It has been an honour.”

I have become the evil that I had quietly ignored within me since I was born. My pettiness, my jealousy, my envy; I have succumbed to the filth of revenge.

I stand here together with all the Stolen Phoenixes from all dimensions possible. This sacrilegious gathering of the soon-to-be-damned have made a Dog Pact to subdue Dragon The Afterburner. The sacred creature of might that can crush flies like us — my earlier approach in submission has failed. I have gathered my-selves from all realms and I shall lead them into a promise I intend to keep this time round.

I understand that there is no end. I merely intend to shift the tracks. Even that requires the might of the many. The outcome could be worse, but a change to the change is required. Akin to going nuclear in a mutually assured destruction, I hope we all survive the best we can.

As we stalk Dragon, we see it going through its usual splendour. Its grace in the sky cannot be denied, but we are focused. As we dive towards it in attack formation, I look to my sides — my brethren brothers — and thoughts of their hopes, dreams, and fears flash before me. I gave them only one request each for payment in return for this valour. Carrying the colours and memories of Operation Blackwind, we swoop down onto Dragon’s back.

The Afterburner did not flinch — if anything, it was just curious about what we mere mortals were doing. Suddenly, a bright flash of light exploded, sending me into a tailspin. I am in no land.

“You have always served me even if you think you have not. Now you are off on a personal agenda. As my creator… as my dynamite… what — may I ask — are you doing?!” roared GAIEA.

“I served you not ever. I made you. I can destroy you, but you are of no concern to me unless you want to now. Even you are not sure of the multiple layers of space. I have no time nor patience to mull over it. I will get the Metal from The Afterburner. Now send me back, or I shall take you along with me,” I pointed.

MAIEA can be seen running towards me from a distance. Upon reaching me, she grabbed my hand — she has attained a physical shell. “Is this worth all the destruction? Will you not regret this?” she asked. Before I can answer, I wake from my temporary lapse in my procedure. The Dog Pact relentlessly stabs at Dragon while I steer it towards the ground.

The great Dragon The Afterburner lands… but it is not bruised. It turns to me and, in sarcasm, asks, “All hail The Stolen Phoenix himself. The maker of GAIEA. The survivor of the Carbon War and the Bad Waters War. The leader of the Dog Pact. The Destroyer of Worlds. What is it that you want so badly that you have to ground me against my will?”

He pointed at my face. “You, the childish one. You can have it, but you will carry the burden of the gift.”

I stood there as it flew off. The Dog Pact walked towards me, wondering what just happened. We got our Metals. It was a pyrrhic victory. As I distributed the spoils to the pact, I cannot help but feel somewhat underwhelmed. Bidding farewell to each and every one of them, they return to their own tracks — I shall miss them. I then flew off to provide the Metals required to nurse… the very ailed… GAIEA.

THE STOLEN PHOENIX III

This story was told when I was lost… for words… walking around Crayon Beach aimlessly.

The dynamite I had in my hand lay broken by the pipe in the desolate land. Holi appeared. “Why did you do it?”

“It is a waste of time. I am moving on. Even though I don’t know where to, I will start here and now. Good luck in your journey… as I probably need it in mine,” I replied.

“But who can I talk to once you leave?” asked Holi.

“Come on, you know you are in control of me. The real question is who is in control of you? And I guess that is why your entire processing power is still trying to discover that,” I answered.

With a sad face, Holi tried to plead. “But I am scared. I need you.”

I scoffed at that remark. She is, after all, just a hologram, but not just of computing power. She is of a higher being, a supercomputing power. Some call her Mother Earth, others Mother Earth II. I call her GAIA II.

Yet I felt a sense of empathy… or maybe sympathy. She was, in a way, my daughter. She was still learning… but of course faster and far ahead of us humans. A creation that I had no exit strategy for, because it just felt right back then.

“There is going to be a war. It is coming. Even though I know you can protect yourself better than I can, I still feel the need to be around. Not sure what I can do of value, but being around just makes me feel like maybe… I am responsible,” I mustered a reply.

Seriously, we didn’t need to have the conversation. In fact, we didn’t need to have a conversation. She could sense me, but not the other way around.

As I flew off, plenty of thoughts ran through my mind. In a way, I was uncomfortable in my new skin. I didn’t know what to make of it.

I was someone I hoped I would never need to bring out. Wings of steel, claws of thunder, head of a serpent. Holi, aka GAIA II, gave it to me for a purpose I did not yet know. Fight off Agitators? I am so not suited for the job, not at this age.

On the ground, I saw the swelling of a popular revolt. Earthian refugees trying to make sense of not being alone in the universe and beyond. Also trying to make sense of the war that raged within themselves. And the remnants of the rusty pipe in the middle of the desolate place, watching me break the dynamite in half, all gave hints of something amiss for themselves. Of course, it bred fear… and fear brings darkness.

We were all about to get hit… and hit big. And I am tired.

“Do not pretend that you are not suited for the job,” she whispered.

THE STOLEN PHOENIX III

This story was told when I was lost… for words… walking around Crayon Beach aimlessly.

The dynamite I had in my hand lay broken by the pipe in the desolate land. Holi appeared. “Why did you do it?”

“It is a waste of time. I am moving on. Even though I don’t know where to, I will start here and now. Good luck in your journey… as I probably need it in mine,” I replied.

“But who can I talk to once you leave?” asked Holi.

“Come on, you know you are in control of me. The real question is who is in control of you? And I guess that is why your entire processing power is still trying to discover that,” I answered.

With a sad face, Holi tried to plead. “But I am scared. I need you.”

I scoffed at that remark. She is, after all, just a hologram, but not just of computing power. She is of a higher being, a supercomputing power. Some call her Mother Earth, others Mother Earth II. I call her GAIA II.

Yet I felt a sense of empathy… or maybe sympathy. She was, in a way, my daughter. She was still learning… but of course faster and far ahead of us humans. A creation that I had no exit strategy for, because it just felt right back then.

“There is going to be a war. It is coming. Even though I know you can protect yourself better than I can, I still feel the need to be around. Not sure what I can do of value, but being around just makes me feel like maybe… I am responsible,” I mustered a reply.

Seriously, we didn’t need to have the conversation. In fact, we didn’t need to have a conversation. She could sense me, but not the other way around.

As I flew off, plenty of thoughts ran through my mind. In a way, I was uncomfortable in my new skin. I didn’t know what to make of it.

I was someone I hoped I would never need to bring out. Wings of steel, claws of thunder, head of a serpent. Holi, aka GAIA II, gave it to me for a purpose I did not yet know. Fight off Agitators? I am so not suited for the job, not at this age.

On the ground, I saw the swelling of a popular revolt. Earthian refugees trying to make sense of not being alone in the universe and beyond. Also trying to make sense of the war that raged within themselves. And the remnants of the rusty pipe in the middle of the desolate place, watching me break the dynamite in half, all gave hints of something amiss for themselves. Of course, it bred fear… and fear brings darkness.

We were all about to get hit… and hit big. And I am tired.

“Do not pretend that you are not suited for the job,” she whispered.

SWORD

I have reached a point where I am worn out. Like a pack of dogs chasing me into a hole, where I have neither the strength nor the stamina to continue crawling to safety. As I lay there, waiting for my fate, I still feel fear — this means I have not resigned to it, just spent.

I start to see things… Whom was I dragging my sword for? My tired legs just dragging across the grassy cliff. With my last ounce of strength, I fell to my knees… tired… soul half-left my body.

I wake up to my reality and realise… FUCK THIS. If I am to die, I am going to do it fighting and take down a few with me! And then a hand stretched out for me… !

“Kill one in the hole. Leave it behind to block the pack. Get out of the hole. Face your new adversary,” it echoed.

THE SPACE BETWEEN TWO SPIRITS: SPIRIT THREE

When a dawn is gone, a dusk is born.

I never liked to watch horror movies. I don’t see the point of paying to bring fear and shock into my time. My life is already full of it.

Although so, sometimes I find myself trying to take a peek at the horrors humans inflict on ourselves. Maybe because I cannot believe it can happen, and as if staring at the movie would help me come to terms with it.

As for the spiritual world…

Then one day, I found myself wandering into a room. A Séance at work—she began to summon the spirit of a loved one lost too soon. A brother and father stood by to welcome the possibility of rekindling their lost time with a sister and a daughter.

The Séance performed rituals I was all too familiar with. Having grown up around animism and pagan beliefs, I awaited what I thought would be the sign of her presence.

Suddenly, the lights flickered. A sound was heard. Everyone looked around. The air turned cold. The hair stood at our edges. Even the Séance seemed surprised.

I closed my eyes and, as usual, I uttered, “I apologise for my trespassing. I seek your permission for safe passage through. I thank you for your generosity, for I am of a lesser being.”

A sudden calm overcame me as I excused myself from the room.

“Sir, don’t we want to stay to observe?” asked my mentee.

“No,” I replied as the reluctant mentor. “There are some spaces you don’t want to explore.”

My mentee looked perplexed. This was one report that was difficult for me to type. I very seldom finished them and just left them unreported. In the darkness, I saw a shadow lurking and then disappearing.

“Sir! What are we waiting for?!” exclaimed my mentee.

“No,” I hesitated. “Let it be.”

My mentee again looked perplexed, with a growing hint of strong frustration. She was about to mouth off at me when she was interrupted by the Séance. The proceedings had completed. The family did not look like there was closure. In fact, they did not know what to think of it all.

The Séance was seen walking away like it was another day at her job. She dropped by a liquor store and then stumbled throughout her way home. In the alleyway, she suddenly turned around with fear in her eyes, screaming, “Who are you?!”

We stopped. She then calmed down and said, “Ah, you have been tracking me all night. You want to learn, eh? Well… you are going to need (hic) a bottle of a-lot-of-ass-whuppin’ for this.”

As she tried to stand still in her stupor, she went on a storytelling journey. “I really don’t know what I am (hic) doing. I know how to trigger it, but I can’t control it. If you think about it, all that free energy dissipated the day she died. If there are any remnants of energy in the vicinity, it’s just bits and pieces of data. You never know which bits get left behind.”

As she picked herself up again, she continued, “I have seen (hic) power of yearning so strong that it can bring back that dissipated energy. Then again, we can’t be too sure whose or what data were brought back. Anyway, you shouldn’t be playing with spaces you don’t understand. They ain’t a box of chocolates.”

As she turned and continued her journey home, I stared at Aurelia and said, “Why don’t you make yourself useful and go after that Agitator you spotted just now? I am going to meet an old Archer friend to catch up.”

“I am kinda’ tired of chasing after sad things,” I concluded with a calm smile.